Happy Birthday to ME!
27 years old
M– Mary C–Cecilia F–Freeman
~Cecilia’s Intro~
I’d like to introduce myself as the Fabulous, creative Award winning Author of the year!!!
Except, that isn’t quite true…yet. Baby steps, those are some dreams of mine that I’m working on. Until they are true I will simply introduce myself as I am now.
Hello all, my name is Mary Cecilia Freeman, friends call me Celia. 😉 I am an author of two lovely books, “Grandma’s Magic Blanket”, a children’s picture book, perfect for new parents, and grandparents. “Lily’s Guide to Releasing Antique Spirits”, Ya novel in a new series I am making for Catholic teens learning about the Faith with a fun ghostly spin.
My current job is fun to describe, I like to say to people who ask: “I am a graphic artist by day and author by night.” That usually gets the conversation going. At least I pray it does, small talk is not my thing.
Today’s blog is all about me.
Why? Because my birthday was this past week on Tuesday.
This is the perfect opportunity to introduce myself to you lovely readers as an author/blogger.
I am a pretty normal woman of this time and age. Soft, gentle, mature and fabulous. (Depending which family member you talk to. Some think I’m weird and sarcastic. Don’t know where they get that from.🤔😉😉 )
Cecilia’s biggest lesson of 2022
This one was hard for me to swallow, on a very personal level.
“You can only control you, your responses, and decisions. Focus on yourself first, be the leader that shows by example. The ones who want to will follow after.”
Ahh life, I’ve spent far to many hours trying to fix others thinking it would fix my own problems in the end. And guess what? It usually did the very opposite. Created new issues, complicated the old problems and landed me in an exhausted, depressed state. Cranky, was the best descriptive word my sisters would use, which they were right. Cranky was my thing and it sucked!!
2022 is the year I learned that you are responsible for yourself first and foremost. You can’t live for others and blame them for not taking care of you. That is not their job. It’s Your job to take care of yourself.
Dear readers,
Especially to those of you, like me, who are the people pleasers, the do it for everyone, and forget about yourself. It’s time to step back. Are you happy? No, I’m not asking are they happy? I’m asking are you honestly happy with yourself and state in life right now.
You need to take some time to dig into yourself and uncover the unmet needs.
Do the work on your own life and leave others alone for the time being.
*If you take things one extreme to the other, listen up!*
Work on yourself means, fill your life up with things that make you happy, fulfilled, and at peace with yourself and the world around you.
This does not mean, cut out everyone, burn all bridges, go out of your way to hurt or abuse others, even if they did it to you. You need people in your life, but it’s all about prioritizing the people who help support and love you for who you are. The people who want to see you happy and successful. Those are they people you are to bring closer to yourself.
As you prioritize the people who bring love, life and peace into your world. The people who are not ready to grow with you will, one by one, drop out of your life. If you stop feeding them your energy and giving them everything they want for nothing, they leave.
It’s as simple as that.
What’s not so simple: Who do you want in your close circle?
Personal development is intense, hard flippin work! There’s no easy, fun only way to grow.
Growth hurts, it’s scary. To be frank, most of the time, it’s lonely as hell.
Loneliness has been a huge mountain for me to climb this past year. Constantly riding the rollercoaster.
“I’m feeling great and accomplishing my goals. I don’t need anyone to push me along or tell me how to achieve my goals. I am a independent, happy, single woman.”
Insert happy dance, boss babe high achiever author vibes~
“It would be nice to have someone to talk to. Someone to share everything with. Someone who just gave me the same support and attention I give. Heck, someone who thinks what I am doing is awesome. It would be so nice to have someone, anyone care about me.”
~Alone, overwhelmed, feeling unvalued. Invisible, miserable single woman.
This is the dark side to growth that many, many people go through. But, there is a bright side to this that helps even out the rollercoaster hills.
P.S. I love you Cecilia, Sincerely Cecilia.
A big term being tossed around by me and many others around the world right now is : “Self care”. I understand the controversy around this term. Self care is also known as Self love, which some people think is the same as being a selfish, jerk.
I am here to tell you gals and guys who struggle with fulfilling your own needs by people pleasing. Self love, Self care is not selfish. It is necessary to help you re-balance your life around what is most important. God.
You cannot be the best loving soul God made you to be, if you are not taking care of yourself first. God doesn’t want you going ragged to please everyone, there is a balance to strive for. He wants you to live a full, happy life growing into the saintly woman or man He created to become.
If you don’t have a healthy love for your body, mind, and spiritual life, then it’s time to put in some work to find that balance.
In my personal experience, which I can only speak from.
There is something deep within my soul covered by layers of trauma, unmet needs, and pain that has been whisper to me that it needs love and care for years. But, having all the above mentioned issues I figured, my serving, helping and “love” for those around me was my way of taking care of me.
Simple things such as doing my nails when I feel blue. Buying myself flowers and cute clothes. Even throwing out random crazy gift requests that it just for fun! Re-decorating my room to freshen up the space. Taking time to just pamper myself makes a huge difference in my energy on the worst of days.
*Helping others, being a serving soul for God and loving others is not wrong. It’s wrong when you do it to the point of neglecting yourself mentally, physically and spiritually. There is a healthy balance of both, we just have to put in the work to find it.*
I was wrong. SOOO very WRONG.
The more I served and so on, the less fulfilled I felt. The dopamine wore off within seconds of helping someone. I was left miserable, fake smiling and on the verge of a mental break down by the end of every week basically from high school up to about 2021.
“What’s wrong with me? Am I that selfish that I can’t do something for my friends without feeling resentment because they never give the same in return?”
“Am I a bad friend since they don’t love me the same way? Maybe if I try harder, they will eventually.”
Gosh, the things I used to think 24/7. And yet this spiral of misery continued for years without the reality dawning on me. I was giving my everything to the wrong people.
Let me skip forward to 2022.
I was laid off from my job of 5 years, I ended 3 of my oldest friendships, and found myself at depressions door with nothing to do and a holy moly lot of time to waste.
Thank you Dear Lord, for making sure I had my family and best friend nearby. Never forget the people in the background while you travel on life’s journey.
Anywho~
Instead of drinking, smoking or other things I could have done. I was drawn toward reading and writing. Oh also Iced mocha’s, honey latte’s and cafe’s. Coffee from the café chains all around my area became my go-to pamper me choice as often as I could (still do, with exploring the healthier options on the menu randomly).
Fast-forward to 2023
It’s been a hard, lonely, pot hole filled journey, but I believe I am finally coming into the life of my dreams.
Learning to love myself, respect my needs is still a mountain I’m climbing.
It’s wonderful learning about my own personality, and temperament. I used to wait for someone to come along to do that for me, but not anymore. Instead of waiting for love, I’m learning to give it to myself first.
I’m allowing me to grow, make mistakes, and learn from them. Instead of letting my inner critique rule every thought, I try to soften her with kind thoughts, human expectations over perfection. With a large dollop of get curious girl, and explore your life!
Best Advice for 2023
“Get curious Cecilia, and explore your life!”
I don’t care what your age, weight, shape or gender is. If you resonated with any of the painful, self-hate, people pleasing and etc. This is your sign to step back out of the chaos, and ask yourself, “What am I really trying to get out of this and how can I give it to myself first?”
My author career started by accident. I was trying to find fulfillment, I started a bucket list. Picked the first, easiest(pardon me as I laugh my fool head off.😂🤣😂😅 easy…I wish), none travel related item I could. “Write a children’s book”.
I got curious, did hours of research thus throwing myself into the path of many wild, crazy, exciting adventures! Never once, suspecting God had a plan for me, and He was helping guide me through the bad times to prepare me for the best yet to come.
Curiosity with a purpose has served me well these past few years. I wanted to learn about myself, about life, God, the Catholic faith, and my future. This journey is far from completed. So, until the next blog, dear readers. I leave you with 2 thoughts:
- How well do you take care of yourself, mentally, physically, and spiritually?
- Where is your curiosity with a purpose taking you this year?
One last note:
🥳 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL MY JANUARY PEEPS!! 😍 Happy Birthday~ 🥳
2 books down, and who knows how many more to come.
Thank you for reading until the end. As a new blogger any and all support is appreciated and welcome.
Write on~
Cecilia
