The Season of Waiting Part 3

The experience, the curiosity, and the regrets.

“ALLLL THAT TO SAY: This second dating experience gave me a chance to dive into my feminine nature with safety that I had never had before.” MCF

Ahh love you stupid blinding pain in the tush distraction! I both want you and dread you.

Good morning Dear Reader~

I ask for your kindness on this rather dorky, kind-a-all-over-the-place Author. The past year I have scarcely written more than a single blog. My book was published THANK-GOODNESS before I was distracted by a very handsome, sweet young man. This man threw my mental ability to do anything into a black hole. I could only muster energy to cook, day dream and Pinterest things like, how to cook, how to date, how to be confident, and so on. He had me questioning my single, career driven life for dare I say it…marriage. (me dramatically disappearing in a cloud of questions yet oddly happy about it.)

Trust me, I thought when I started dating I would be that cool chick gal who men chased and she would just sit back like, “Hmmm I guess I’ll go on a few dates with you.”

Nope~ I quickly found out that I turn into that dorky, giggly, won’t shut up about him gal. Not quite dumb, just giggling, and grinning like a fool all day. It annoyed me at first to see how girly I became after GL came into my introvert world. But, I’m glad to say, over time I realized the only reason I wanted to be the colder, cool gal was because I didn’t want to show the real emotions going on. That would be too vulnerable.

I’m still having a difficult time being open about how excited or girly things in general make me feel. One step at a time. Peeling those thick leaves of protection from the flower bud slow and steady.

As promised, here is my type of man that I am drawn to, according to my experience and the observances of my closest family and friends.

The Season of Waiting

Celia’s type

• Tall, dark and handsome~
• Tall: or at least my height: 5 ft 6 in. I can be flexible. 😁
• Dark: Tan skin, like a mocha, chocolate milkshake, or dove milk chocolate.
• Dreamy and creamy~(I deleted this line 4 times…just so corny sounding.)
• Handsome: Head full of hair~ It doesn’t need to be super thick and perfect. Just enough hair for me to run my fingers through and play with.
• Eye’s that twinkle and almost disappear when he smiles.
• A great big smile. Does he have a good smile? If yes, then my knees are Jell-O.
• Add a few toned muscles, nothing extreme, not even abs, just enough definition to see he most likely works out or at least is active enough to keep his body in shape.
• Of course his personality is extremely important. But, that would be an entire blog in itself.
• Catholic of course! Although not a body feature, extremely important.

 

So as far as looks go, that is my type.
My first date was tan, he was a tad shorter than me, but his smile was big and he had a great sense of humor! This second date, my height, tan, handsome, Catholic, and literally his eyes twinkled when he laughed or was talking about his favorite hobbies, his job and his adventures.

Excuse me as I waltz around my kitchen singing “So this is love” on repeat. (Only the first 2 or 3 lines because I forgot the rest of the lyrics. 😅😆 Some of us love to sing even if the lyrics are wrong! High five Kathleen, my sista in wrong lyrics singing~)

Confession Time:(The crash…it be-a-coming)

It has come.

So Ummm…I’m not sure how to put this exactly. Me and GL didn’t actually end up dating each other…😭😭😭 At the time of writing this blog, we have not met in person. (read to end for newest 07/09/23 update!!! Something very VERY exciting happened to me this weekend. 😍)

What??I’m confused?

The short of it is that we were long distance. He and I chatted online for 6ish months on and off. We wanted to meet and go on a date after 2 weeks of talking but, life happened. To this day we have not officially met and I am just going to be frank here. I wish we had, but in the end God brought this man into my life, however briefly, for a reason. I believe that reason was to show me my own worth, give me a taste of what love can feel like from someone special. And teach me a few things about relationships, dating and your standards in them all. Teach me to fill my own life up, learn what really matters to me personally and stop molding myself into others worlds just to make them happy even at my expense. A HARSH, harsh lesson for me.

GL for me was a new experience full of good lessons, fun, heart aches, and excitement. He was my “I will most likely get hurt if I keep going, but what if” decision. Stupid of me to put myself through something that ended up making me cry and hurting me. But, you know what, I actually feel better knowing I did what I could to make it work. I tried keeping my head grounding with asking for advice from family members who’s relationships and experience were ideal in my eyes. I accept my failed attempt to make it last with as much grace as I can.

I’m not here to bash anyone or play the victim card. The fact is he was too busy for a relationship, but didn’t want to cut things off with me. And I wasn’t going to give up so easily either, even if it took 6 +months of me pushing, pulling and forgetting to do my work in my life. I tried too hard to make things work by doing too much. I was holding onto the possibilities of the future. We both needed to mature in places, we both made mistakes and we both wanted something special. Our priorities, and responsibilities were different. But there are 4 things I’d love to acknowledge about this man that struck me as admirable.

GL is a handsome man, but more importantly these 4 things are what kept me coming back.

I kept trying because:

1. In our moments of disagreements, when I would send him 5 pages worth of chats, or 5-10 minutes worth of voice chats explaining why I was upset with him. (I did finally learned how to better approach a disagreement) GL did not once yelled at me. He never raised his voice, he would usually tell me it will take a few minutes or some time to read/ listen to it all before he can get back to me and discuss it with me.
2. He asked after a disagreement or discussion, “I want to work through this with you” and “I appreciate you being patient with me”.
3. He was the first man I met who would bring up Sunday sermons, God and discuss them with me of his own accord. Seriously shook my world. A grown man who wants to talk about the sermons on Sundays, talk about God and the Faith. (My my my…hey heart would you just chill for a minute so the brain can get a word in.)
4. He made me feel safe to let me feminine side shine.

GL is not perfect, even if his Instagram account makes it appear like he is. He’s flawed, makes mistakes, and can be a little full of himself. He can be a tad oblivious to what a woman wants to be given not just told. But, for his faults, he kept trying. He’s human. Just like me.

I will forever be grateful for his appearance in my life. He helped me raise my standards for dating, opened my eyes to exploring life with a new zeal and energy. GL gave me a wonderful taste of the benefits that can come from a Good Catholic Man in my life. Gave me a mountain size boost in confidence. Taught me to define what I wanted in a relationship and to be willing to make adjustments along the way, in the right direction.

For me, his presence on my phone chats meant: “I am worthy of a healthy relationship with a handsome Catholic Man after all. Maybe I can be a happier girly girl without all the armor on.”

GL I wish you well. I pray for your happiness through God and success in life. Thank you for everything!

 

**UPDATE UPDATE READ ALL ABOUT IT**

07/9/23

July 7th and July 8th GL and I officially been on 2 dates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

😆😍😆😍😆😍😆😍😆😍😆😍😆😍😆

He reached back out, asked to come visit me and he came! We went on two dates, Friday and Saturday. I will admit, I am floating on cloud Nine, thanking God for making me work on myself and wait. God’s plan, hard to follow, but always worth the wait.

The conclusion of our dates will be in the next blog. I cannot wait to tell you all about him! GL never gave up and my world has once again been tossed into “What on earth will happen next?” experience.

Conclusion for the Season of Waiting

It’s not over, this Season of waiting. I’m single, struggling, but learning to adjust to life’s challenges and learn as much as I can where I am at right now.

Biggest take away my fellow single ladies: Singleness is a HUGE blessing. (roll those eyes back my way please 😂) I completely understand being single does not feel like a blessing most of the time. There’s not enough sugar to coat that truth in the entire world. However, singleness is the time God gives us to take action, to learn, to grow, to pursue life adventures in ways you can’t do as easily married. This time is the best time to open your past, heal from it as much as possible. Open the door to the future by seeking out what you define happiness and success as. Learning to fill your own cup so that when you do eventually date, you are a whole healing woman of God ready for the next adventure.

Oh, this time is also for God and you to create a strong relationship together. Trust me, expedite this first and grow it as long as you live. I was born and raised Traditional Catholic. But, I choose the Traditional Catholic Faith for myself when I moved out of my parents house. It’s taken me many years of healing to allow myself to let go of the past hurt, and see God’s love through it all. Now, I’ve been able to release the hurt and embrace the curiosity. I want to know how to live a better catholic life. How to bring prayer, the saints and Faith into my daily life with ease and joy.

I had no idea being a Trad. Catholic could be fun and enjoyable. Seriously, teenage years, I disliked 90% of anything to do with church and religion. Why? Mainly because it was boring, forced and never fun. It was rules, punishment’s and  shaming for breaking the rules. But, now. Oh my goodness, learning about my Faith and how much fun you can have bringing it into your life in healthy, growth encouraging ways has never been so fulfilling.

Big tip here: don’t wait for someone to do this with you or force you to do it. You have the curiosity and questions, go for it and invite others to join but let them join if and when they are ready. You are on that path, it’s more important for you to show your growth through your life then to tell everyone about it and wait for them to do it with you.

Another very harsh lesson I had to learn. To let go of control, lead by example not by words.

Why did I share these 3 Season of Waiting blogs?

1. To share some real life perspective of a new author, who’s single, Catholic, and struggling to get things going. Being an author is still a part time career for me. I’m not fast, I’m no where near figuring out marketing or publishing. It’s a journey. And this romantic lovey-dovey past year has caused a large pause in my writing. Apparently, I can’t write, blog, keep my head on to date all at once. 😅😂 Once love hit my books were paused cuz my heart be all over the place.
2. To encourage all women and men who read this to heal from the past. Let it go, so you can move forward. Be patient with yourself and know that healing takes years not days. Healing can transform you in ways you won’t expect. But, you have to start it for you. No one is going to force you to heal. It’s a personal choice.
3. And finally, as a final attempt to come to terms with the fact that things did not work out the way I wanted it to with GL. And for all things considered, it was an experience I’m glad I had. Through the pain, the heart ache and struggle with loneliness I’ve had to grow closer to God. I started down this dating path praying to God for things to work out the way I want it to. Now I pray for God to give me strength and patience to use this Season of Waiting wisely and prepare me for a great healthy happy relationship with an amazing God fearing Handsome Catholic man that He knows will bring me closer to Him. That might not have happened if I didn’t go on this little adventure first.

Funny how things change. One minute I just want to be a successful Author traveling the world with her stories. The next minute, I can’t seem to write anything. My heart and head full of couple goals, family life, how life would be as a married woman. OHH GOODNESS! A thought that is both exciting and nerve-wrecking.

So, as you can tell, I’m all over the place. Which is okay. It’s life and it’s messy. I’m going to see how much fun dancing through this rainstorm of life I can fit into it too. As I hope you do as well.

PS GL is not done yet. God has plans for us, and I am very excited to see where they can take us.

 

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning how to dance in the rain.”

– Vivian Greene