The Season of Waiting Part 2
God’s real plan for you, Cecilia.
Heal yourself
“This short lived experience left me wanting more. I thought it was just because I liked being special in someone’s eyes. But, little did I know what God’s true plan was for me at the time.” MCF
Hello Dear Readers~
Where were we? God’s plan was to give me a taste of what I believed I wanted. That way I might get curious enough to explore and discover myself along the way.
“It’s all coming back.” (high five if you get this quote!)
**The blunt truth is that trauma of all degrees is part of life. Some of us are completely unaware of how much trauma we actually have. It’s not until we are exploring a better way of life that our wounds are exposed. Waking us up by the burning sensation, and from there we start to heal them one step at a time.**
Will I get another date? How about a bf?? Did prince charming set his turtle on the right road at last?
To answer these above questions: No, No, and maybe?
Maybe I need to consider if I am datable right now.
I’m a practicing Catholic, 27 yrs old, single, and I take care of my own bills and have a good job. I’ve been told by many that I’m a sweet pretty young lady. Sooooo, what’s the problem here?? What am I missing?
The Season of Waiting is for healing, I guess.
It’s common knowledge that men and women are not the same, that’s the way God planned it. And there is a wonderful and good reason for our differences.
Some may fight this truth, but speaking for myself, I believe that men and women are different, that’s how God made us. And I’m glad He did.
I, slightly embarrassed to admit this, did not have a clue about how much of a difference between women and men there is when it came to mentality, temperament, physical and spiritual wellbeing. I knew men are different from women. But, it was just the basic knowledge.
When my first date did not go the way I thought it would, you know, dating, engagement, marriage, kids, happily ever after~ I was confused. Did I think this man was the love of my life and my future hubby? No, to be frank on the matter, I knew he wasn’t by the 3rd date but figured, since I have no experience on the matter of love maybe I am the problem.
The confusion I was stuck in floated around me like a heavy rain cloud that grew as the lonely, dateless months followed. I was trying to date, but no luck. The dating websites I was on gave me a few short lived chats with a few men, but they ended me in more confusion.
This led me to an important two way split in the road of life.
Victim or Curiosity
One way “Victim” I am doing everything right and men are to blame.
The other way “Curiosity” Why am I struggling to get a date? Is it me, is it men, or is there something deeper here I am missing?
Thankfully, with the influence of a few good family and friends, I chose the “Curiosity” path which I am happy to say led me to some amazing books, authors, and experience. Helping me discover more about myself as a person, healing from my past trauma, and learning about personalities. I could go on, it’s a looong list. 🙂
“Curiosity” Thank goodness I’m not a cat.
I am a woman, a lady of unique build and personality. Which is also just like all other women on this planet. We are women, a female with a vagina, breasts, and when developed properly a softer nature to nurture and love. With the ever changing waves of emotions. Each unique in her own way.
Men, the male gender, with penises and the ability to provide, the sometimes more logical of the genders. With the instinct to protect and make some of us women go weak at the knees with their masculine good looks and energy.
Pretty basic knowledge really. But, what does it mean to be a woman of God? What makes me feminine, pretty, happy, and fulfilled?
I got curious enough to start diving into the softer side of being a woman.
Living on the more masculine side, being on survival mode for many years had starved my softer side. She needs some serious loving over a long period of time.
For over 5 yrs now I’ve been trying to feed my soul, heal and explore every aspect of myself that had been neglected. Things were coming along nicely too.
From 60% effort to 1000% in 3…2…1…
The influence of a good person in your life can triple your efforts to better yourself. In my case, it took a good lookin man on a Trad. Catholic Dating site to flip my efforts from 60% to 1000% effort in healing and exploring my feminine side.
**I have always had this soft, feminine side in me, but I had unknowing suppressed it to keep myself safe and stronger. Facts of healing, you often become your environment. If you want to heal, you need to remove the toxic habits, say no to giving your time to people who are not good for you. And say yes to the good things in life you want to be a part of.
Ladies, if you have been hurt in the past and have not opened up in a healthy safe environment before, please seek it out. You can be safe, happy and fulfilled on your own when you are going through the waiting season. A relationship won’t save or heal you, it will bring out the unhealed wounds and it’s up to you to heal them not your partner.**
For privacy sake we will call this man “GL” short for Good-lookin, one of my favorite nicknames for him. This man helped me flip my insecure world inside out and sped up my healing process with simple things. Like chatting me every day, being the first to say good morning, complimenting my style, asking how the Sunday’s sermon was, and being a good listener. His efforts to learn about me, my life, and some of my dreams did something strange.
For the first time in a long time, I felt safe to show the girly side of me. I wasn’t much for dresses or skirts since moving out. Pants are so much more comfortable. And I can kick someone much better wear pants than a skirt or dress.
GL gave me a compliments about the dresses and skirts I wore to Mass. That’s all it took for me to bubble over with enthusiasm for these more girly outfits. Which led me to work on my sensitive skin issues, which led me to better self care habits. It just kept growing, my prayer life was growing faster, I found myself asking family members about serious dating advice and who to pray to for extra support. Mentally, I felt as if I could handle more and started seeking therapy. Eating and exercise efforts on my side again just grew with a happy, easy life that felt amazing.
It’s incredible! I had been working on myself for years and making very good progress. When GL noticed the things I had been working on, it was the reassurance that gave me the boost to keep going with more energy. Like taking a energy drink without the crash. I was flying high on this wave of compliments, acknowledgement and attention. (The crash…it be-a-coming)
**some of you might think, geez this lady has no idea that’s minimum to basic needs for ladies. And you might be right. However, some of us ladies were not giving the best examples of good men in our lives. And what is natural to some, has been a rare occurrence for others. Which can help raise the bar and in my case it did.**
I didn’t consider myself drawn to a type of man until recent events. HAHA yes I will get to that in a bit. I used to think, I’d date any man, his looks are not important at all. It’s about his personality and heart.
I can now say I have discovered a few things about myself and what I think of men.
I might be willing to go on a single date with any man. However, looks are important to me, and I do apparently have a type. 
You’ll have to read on to find out what my type is! 
You’ll have to read on to find out what my type is! Dating experience #2
This experience was a rollercoaster for sure. I learned so much about myself and men in general. It opened my eyes to a life changing fact that I for many years was unaware of. You are not your past, you make your future. And you have to be crystal clear on what type of future you want otherwise your emotions will lead you causing BIG mistakes left and right.
Before I can share this dating experience you must know a few things about me.
Fact: I am a woman, but grew up, teenager to 25 yrs, living in my masculine energy. Which has been exhausting, draining, and un-fulfilling to me. My feminine energy was dormant for the most part.
Fact: I enjoy my single life, less drama, less stress. More freedom to do what I want.
Fact: I wanted to get married eventually, but still very hesitant on if Marriage was a great fit for me.
My past has not been easy or fun to a large extent. All you need to know dear reader is that trauma can cause men to go to their feminine side and cause women to go to their masculine side. Which when done too often and for long periods of time will off balance them both and lead them into survival mode more often then normal. Which is unhealthy and needs love and attention to heal from.
Left unhealed my masculine energy turned into survival mode being on 24/7 in my body. Since I was unaware of these facts for years, I had no clue that a larger reason was holding me back. I was finding it difficult to find peace, fulfillment and happiness in my single life because I was too far into my masculine and neglecting most of my feminine side. WAAY OFF BALANCE.
*Interesting fact~ Most of my stories that I wrote as a teen were about me saving my friends and helping them find love, get married and start families while I lived out my single, lonely life in the woods waiting for another chance to save my friends from bad guys.
I wrote stories to comfort the neglected parts of my personality that I was suppressing without knowing it. I didn’t want to be weak, or trapped. Which are terms I associated with marriage, and dating from the unfortunate life events I had been a witness to growing up. YAY More healing opportunities because happily I can say those old beliefs are not true.*
I love my family, my parents and my life very much. I will not blame or allow others to blame my parents for not being able to handle traumatic events that they themselves were not prepared for or had good guidance to heal from. It is simply a matter of allowing myself to heal, move on and be better prepared for a healthier life at this point. Lead by example, always. Which is easier said than done. But, we must try.
I grew up taking martial arts, but desperately wanting to learn how to dance. Of course, thinking I’d rather be tough I didn’t voice many of my “girly” desires for several years. AHHHHH the signs I see now.
This is why I want to help other girls avoid what I missed out on and struggled with.
Some of these struggles and feelings inspired a few characters, and thoughts in my newest book “Lily’s Guide book”.
ALLLL THAT TO SAY: This second dating experience gave me a chance to dive into my feminine nature with safety that I had never had before. And I can’t say 100% for sure, I but I think I know what it’s like to fall head over heels for someone. And very soon you will read about my crash and raise from the ashes story too.
My type is…going to be in the next blog. HEHEHEHE
Part THREE coming soon~
I guess it’s time to write another blog? So until next Sunday my dear readers~
I bid you a lovely week~
2 books down, and who knows how many more to come.
Thank you for reading until the end. As a self published Author/blogger any and all support is appreciated! Have a comment or thought to share? Type away in the comments. 🙂
Write on~
Cecilia
I love reading your blogs!! They help me so much in realizing things that I didn’t even recognize in myself, I cannot wait to read your next one and continue on your experiences with dating!! I’m hoping they might help me too!
Thank you Evelyn for reading along! I am so happy to hear you’re able to gain a little something from my experiences. HAHA Even if it’s what not to do in some cases. 😂 Oh I will continue with my experiences, that’s one thing with growth mindset. You can learn and move forward no matter how many times you fall down. Have a lovely day Evie! Thank you for commenting. 🥰